A strong desire or need for food.
I experienced "hunger" today. I fasted for the first time ever... even though I guess I should have fasted last year (oops). I do admit that I had a cracker here and there, but in my defense I did not want to pass out. Even then though, to think back and say "I only ate a couple crackers? in 24 hours? and that was it?" is super crazy to think about. How do you go from eating 3 meals a day and still being hungry to practically not eating anything at all?
The funny thing about fasting is that you choose to be hungry. you have access to an unlimited supply of food and you just say no to it. Instead of saying "this is so stupid why don't I just eat already" you just kept doing it. and then after a while you can't just call it off because you've come so far. I know the idea of fasting is so that you think about other things instead of stuff like food, but when you can't have it... thats allllll you think about. Maybe next time I'll be better at it. There's always that dull ache in your stomach thats usually the signal to eat but instead of saying "oh I'll just eat" you have to remind yourself that you can't. There's always that voice saying eatEatEAT! but then you challenge yourself to question if you really are hungry.
A problem I definitely ran into was the fact that not eating made me sleepy. And I couldn't sleep because I gave up napping for Lent (yeah we'll see how that goes). Talk about poor decisions. Sleeping really could have helped pass the time.
I also really got to think about what the ashes of Ash Wednesday mean. Its to remind you that somethings that you get overly swamped in, don't really matter because eventually all they will become is ashes.
It was also really fun to go to the BREAK-fast. not only were we eating breakfast, but we were breaking our fast. The last hour before getting to eat was the worst. It was really nice to be in a room full of people though who were going through the same thing you were, who were just as hungry as you and just as ready to eat. When midnight finally came I put so many amazing things on my plate I didn't think I was going to be able to eat it all, but somehow I did and it was all super amazing. Flavor was suddenly intensified and nothing tasted bad. It was an amazing feeling to be able to put food in your mouth. To not have to stop yourself.
But to think that some people are hungry every day and don't have a choice in it. to know that midnight will come and there still won't be food. that when they do get food, every bite is savored. to have to live with telling your stomach "oh I don't really feel that hungry" even when the ache is there. How do they do that? And even when you do have a choice how do you make it for so long? I mean Gandhi was hardcore... I read an article in Glamour about this guy who tried to be anorexic to understand his wife-- it really does take a lot of will power to go against the natural instinct of your body.
This is just a start in the journey of Lent. 40 more days to go. I can only pray to God that I will be strong and not be led into temptation.
